As you most likely know, we’ve been hard at work here at Biased Bohemian for the past four months cranking out hot article after hot article, hot off the presses, and hotter than any hot cake one can find in these upper 49 states (Yes, 49 states. F*ck Florida. I mean really, can any other state match Florida in the amount of excess, artificiality, and moisture that this flaccid state excretes pound-for-pound each day?). Yet, despite the countless grueling hours of work that the authors at Biased Bohemian have spent churning out what amounts to literary gold, the website has remained relatively unchanged since October, with no new articles having been posted. What gives?
Well, though we pride ourselves in the quality of the articles that we produce here, we are even prouder in our editorial staff’s ability to weed through the barrage of articles output by our writing staff daily in order to present to you, our valued reader, only the “diamonds”, if you will, amongst the common-place, yet still spectacular, “roughage”, as they say. Long story short, not one article has passed muster with the editors since October so this week the staff at Biased Bohemian held an emergency meeting in order to determine how best to move forward within this climate of gridlock . Though many of the editorial staff outlined valid and thoughtful recommendations on how the writing staff could improve upon their product, as owner and CEO of Biased Bohemian I settled on a more direct and decisive course of action that seemed to me to be the most conforming and germane to the times that we live.
Effective February 21st, I have terminated our editorial staff in favor of a self-regulating writing staff. Actually, it is more precise to say that the editorial department remains active, but that I have made the executive decision not to dedicate funds towards paying the editorial payroll, which has had a similar effect to just firing the lot of ‘em. Rather than put the subscription money that you, our dear readers, have yet to pay us, unnecessarily towards ensuring that only high quality and fact-based literature is published on this site; we will instead deregulate, that is, leave it up to the author’s to determine when their material is ‘credible enough’ to publish.
I assure you that the quality of work on this site will not suffer. For who has more integrity than one who makes his living by the quill? Was Shakespeare, I ask you, a swine? Bah. Rather than use a yardstick to measure our quality, we will use what, in football (i.e ‘not soccer’), amounts to “the Big Play”. We all know that in order to win football games a team must stop the Big Play, but must themselves have several Big Plays of their own, that is, unless they want a game that is too close for comfort. Well here at Biased Bohemian our approach to publishing is very similar to the Big Play. We’ll set our goal for nothing less. We’ll forge ahead in an old-fashioned all-American rugged-individualistic way as we attempt to attain that goal. And leave the bodies to rot where they may lay.
So in the true spirit of capitalism, our new operating model will reduce the obstacles that have, in the past, limited our publishing rate while at the same time it will open the floodgates for the cash to come pouring in. This will in effect allow the staff here at Biased Bohemian – or what remains of them anyway – the opportunity to live high on the hog and feast low on the chicken. A lofty goal that any true red-blooded American can, nay must, appreciate.
As a way to mark our shift in direction you will notice that the site has been completely overhauled with a slick new look and feel. I am pleased to say that I hand selected this website from a group of websites offered free for public use through WordPress.com. As a result, we no longer have need for the design team that built and maintained our previous site, and I have thus diverted their salary into a slush fund for my dog, Scrim. Scrim likes peanut butter and he enjoys chewing on antlers. Aside from dearly needing a bath, he too is ready for the transition of Biased Bohemian from something great into something spectacular. Come, follow us.
What’s that Scrim? Oh yes, you are a good ol’ boy. You most certainly are.