Templeton, Mississippi -
The world was rocked today as scientists at Mary Beth Academy announced unequivocal evidence proving the so called fingerprint of God within the DNA of all living beings. For decades scientists have hypothesized about the existence of such a “God Signature”, without which the theory of evolution is nothing but a proverbial house of cards.
“Before this discovery, the theory of evolution was like a two-legged table,” said Templeton Academy lead scientist Stan Hopewell when reached for comment, “we could somewhat piece together the long chain of genetic mutations that had lead to the current diversity of life on earth, but nobody had the answer to the fundamental question, ‘what is the origin of life? Who is the one common ancestor from which we all came?”
That question was about to be turned on its head, as Hopewell’s team would soon discover that there were, in fact, not one but two common ancestors. All along it seems that the answer had been staring scientists in the face, yet a minor computer glitch kept the secret hidden. Hopewell illustrates:
“DNA is comprised of four different types of nucleotides – adenine, guanine, cytosine, and thymine. These are the building blocks that form each strand of DNA, the full combination of which, otherwise known as a ‘sequence’, defines each living entity in the world. It defines us as a species as well as individuals. You know – whether you are a human or beast.”
“When we sequence genes, that is, when we break down DNA into its fundamental units for study, we search specifically for these nucleotides and formulate on paper a string of G’s, A’s, T’s and C’s (representing the first letters of each of the four nucleotides). Now there are billions of nucleotides per strand of DNA. It would take an army of people over several generations to sequence DNA by hand. Fortunately we have computers to do the sequencing for us.”
“Well here’s where we, the science community, got it wrong,” Hopewell pauses here for effect, “there was an assumption – a glitch, one might say – in the DNA sequencing program. The program only searched for these four nucleotides, nothing else. In other words, if the DNA happened to contain something that wasn’t a nucleotide, well, we wouldn’t even have known that it was there.”
Hopewell’s team discovered this glitch, fixed it, and quickly put the newly revamped program to use re-sequencing a fruit fly gene, one of the most studied and documented strands of DNA in the world. In only a matter of weeks they came upon something startling, beyond anything Hopewell had ever thought he would see in his lifetime.
“So the program spits out this unexpected result and for a few days we are furiously looking through the computer code, working under the assumption that there was another glitch. But we could find no issues in the code. Then I get this idea to break out the microscope and, with my own eyes, look directly at the part of the strand that was giving us this problem.”
As it happens, sometimes DNA gets corrupted. The section that Hopewell’s team was seeing the odd result in was located near the tail end of the DNA sequence package. In a section most scientists agree is just, in a sense, “junk” genes. Hopewell assumed that he would find nothing but a broken section of DNA or perhaps some damaged molecules.
“I get the DNA under the microscope and there it was, right there. I couldn’t believe my eyes.”
Like any work of art, Hopewell had discovered that DNA also carries a signature. But this signature was special.
“The signature said ‘GOD’. It was clear as day.”
Hopewell’s team checked other fruit fly DNA strands and found the same thing. And again with chickens, lizards, and marmots. Every animal that they checked they saw the same three letter word engraved within the DNA strand. So then they checked humans.
“And that’s when the bottom dropped out and turned this discovery from something great into something huge. Not only was there the same signature of GOD on the human DNA, but there was something else, too.”
Right beside the signature of GOD was another signature, but this one crossed out as if the new signer wished to replace the old signature and claim themselves as the authentic designer of the DNA. The team could barely make it out under the heavy strike-through but the name was unambiguous. In red letters was the word ‘Satan’.
The study and findings have been widely accepted by the science community, a large part or which – almost 70% – do not outright dismiss the existence of God. Even Darwin, a firm believer in God until his death, would no doubt be in ecstasy over these findings.
“One discovery suddenly exploded into three,” says Hopewell.
Einstein, when asked if he was religious, once said, ’Try and penetrate with our limited means the secrets of nature and you will find that, behind all the discernible laws and connections, there remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion’. Hopewell’s discovery, in one swift karate chop, has shown Einstein to be a fool and once and for all explained the inexplicable.
Hopewell smiles enthusiastically as he lists out his discoveries, “Here we have three findings: unequivocal proof that God had a hand in the creation of all living beings; a clear ancestral separation of humankind from the kingdom of beasts; and validation that humankind, at the very core of our DNA, is fundamentally evil. I guess that you could say that we made a fourth discovery as well. That is, that God is a plagiarist.”
But that, he says, requires further research before one can claim it as scientific fact.