Despite the fact that I am homeless and soon to be unemployed, I refuse to heat my food over a burning trashcan. Not even considering the weight of the barrel, the trash needed to fuel such a stove would be near impossible to collect in a day and difficult to transport on a bicycle. So I am rolling with then next best thing – the alcohol stove.
Now, though I may get some unwanted respect from backwoods survivalists on this move, be sure that the Bible Thumping Southerners and Fatback Republicans will be crying “terrorist”. What kind of god-fearing American uses anything other than propane, butane, kerosene, gas or other petroleum product to cook their meal? Answer – no American would, which makes anybody that does use alcohol a terrorist. And even if you don’t want to go to that extreme, certainly no man would be caught cooking his beef over a dainty alcohol-filled can. In fact, a real man cooks his dinner by sticking his dick up a half-dead moose’s ass and rotating the body over his revved up Dodge engine. Is that a Hemi, Motherf%$ker?!!! Jebus be saved, it is!
So, at the risk of being assaulted and deported by the insane majority, I have secured myself a Liberty Mountain “Westwind” stove that includes an alcohol Trangia burner. This stove is compact and easy to use. I can fit the entire contraption in my pants pocket. Assembly is a breeze and, when assembled, the base is wide enough to sit a small to medium-sized pot upon it. The burner takes either denatured or methyl alcohol for fuel, and either of these may be poured directly into the container for refill. The burner includes a cap, so that leftover alcohol can be stored in the burner itself until the next use. The burner also comes with a “simmer ring” that can be used to control the degree of the flame. When complete, the stand can be easily disassembled.
There are pros and cons to using alcohol as a fuel in relation to petroleum. Because this is a biased blog I give you 5 pros and 2 cons. (Any fool can see that alcohol is the best choice). Here they are in summary:
Pros
- Availability – Denatured alcohol is available at most outdoor and hardware stores, while methyl alcohol can be picked up at marine stores or at gas stations in the form of Heet. Another option is pure grain alcohol, which is available at some liquor stores and moonlights as an alcoholic’s favorite fuel choice. Hell, you can even use shellac thinner. Basically, you shouldn’t have a problem finding the stuff or refueling your stove. The same can’t be said for petroleum.
- Cost – For the burner and the fuel the cost is rock bottom in relation to petroleum. Total cost for my setup is $25.
- Environment – Alcohol is made from renewable materials and burns clean. We are all aware of the environmental costs associated with petroleum, though many of us are unwilling to admit to it or take responsibility for our actions…
- Noise Pollution – Alcohol is a quiet burn. No hissing. Hell, in the daylight the flame is even invisible.
- Combustion – If you are hit by a car the bag holding your fuel will not explode and leave you paraplegic. With petroleum, the smallest accident will blow you to pieces. Or, if you happen to spill the petroleum it will blow you to pieces. Sometimes just the smell of petroleum will kill you. Kids, it happens all the time. Trust your Uncle Bastard.
Cons
- Heat Strength – Petroleum burns at a higher energy level. This results in a quicker and hotter burner and a shorter cook time.
- Duration – Because heat strength is low and the compartment for the fuel in the Trangia is relatively small, the amount of cook time that you will have is relatively short. In other words, you won’t be cooking any Italian dinners on this bastard.