Hygiene notwithstanding, I have taken a firm stance and decided to only bring one pair of biking shorts with me on the trip. And when I pull my bike into my apartment in Portland OR after completing that final mile of this impending cross-country trip, I will take the then mud-stained, sweaty, filthy, stank ass shorts from off my body and nail them to the front door for the entire city to study and marvel at.
“Here,” the people shall say, “here hangs a work of art so deep and meaningful that the Gods shudder to look upon it. See how the lightweight fabric has for endless miles transfered moisture, retained heat, blocked the persistent winds, and yet remained soft like the down on a raucous catbird. Hark the floating stretch mesh liner so thin yet so strong, like the gossamer strand of a spider web. Note the Versa Mountain Chamois and snap front closure with zipper fly, so insipid yet still so worth mentioning on the merchandise tag. Ponder the mighty length of the 10.5″ inseam, room enough for even the most well hung bastard to strut his stuff in comfort. How true the artists steady hand.”
And what the people say shall be true, God willing, as they will be looking upon the perfection of the “Select Versa Short”. Forged in the Taiwan factories of Pearl iZumi. Part bike tights with diaper-like padding and part knee length shorts. Every square inch of it a beer-belly-hugging pleasure. This is the only short made for long distance bohemian travel.
And though I will only take with me one pair I will grab an extra set of riding tights so that I can rotate daily washings of those things that will be most intimate with the regions of my body which even the Gods dare not mention.
I think you should reconsider your decision to only bring ONE (1) pair of shorts. Why not make it 2? A pair must only weigh a couple of ounces – not much to add for a real man.
You should listen to Chilly. What if your miracle shorts tear at mile 2,500 and the only shorts that you can turn up are some XL Umbro soccer shorts at a second hand store in East Shitville? You’ll look like a friggin hot air ballon riding down the street. Just a thought.
Plan B…wear reversible shorts.
That’s a sobering thought
Just to prove how much of a real man that I am, I picked up another pair of these same shorts as well as a third pair of tights. Real men always carry three pairs of tights.