When Elizabeth was just a wee lass she would watch films like Labrynth, The Neverending Story, and The Dark Crystal with rapt attention and a drooling mouth of wonder. Now, much older in years and confused by a new president that speaks with polysyllabic words and no felt-covered accompaniment, she looks back to the time when things were more black and white – parents were always right, foreigners were always terrorists, and no movie was good unless it included a large smattering of puppets.
After spending countless hours and pounding several beers, Elizabeth has crafted a truly cutting edge and multifaceted approach to rating movies that you will find nowhere else but here at Biased Bohemian. When most rating systems only tell you whether a movie is “good” or “bad”, Elizabeth’s copyrighted and proprietary rating system includes so much more additional information, including whether or not a move includes puppets and, if so, to what extent.
Known as the “Puppet Rating System”, or PUPPETS for short, this means of measuring the quality of movies – from horror flicks, to documentaries, to musicals – ranks films from 1 to 5 puppets and leaves none of the guesswork to you, our value reader, when you are considering either attending a high profile celebrity-packed movie premier or renting the latest and hottest DVD release. Never again be surprised by the amount of puppets, or lack thereof, in a film. Your money is our business and we want all the business that you can give us.
Here’s how it works:
Movies are reviewed and ranked on a scale of 1 to 5 puppets. The rankings signify the following:
- 1 Puppet - Movie does not have any puppets.
- 2 Puppets – Movie does not have enough puppets.
- 3 Puppets – Movie has enough puppets.
- 4 Puppets – Movie has too many puppets.
- 5 Puppets – Good Movie!!!
Stay tuned as we expand our operations at Biased Bohemian to include review and rankings (using PUPPETS) of the latest movies that you are dying to see.
I will say that The Dark Crystal gets 3 Puppets, but I will also say that The Muppet Movie gets 4 Puppets. Team America: World Police gets 5 Puppets.
Why would Team America get 5 puppets? Wouldn’t it get 3 puppets? Your use of the Puppet Rating system seems arbitrary at best and prosthetically perditious at worst. Would you like to write for Biased Bohemian?
I believe I have already explained myself well enough on the PUPPET rating system. If you want me to write for the BB, you better offer a competitive 401k package and dental. Don’t play me like cat and mouse.
The Muppets Christmas Carol – 5 Puppets