Here at the Laurelwood Public House and Brewery on NE 51st and Sandy in Portland, family is taken seriously – dead seriously. In fact, if you are alone and without family, such as I am on the occasion of my first visit, you may find yourself puzzled as to how to proceed once you enter the doors to the establishment. Is that urine that I smell? Some wee one’s dirty ass-sponge perhaps? Not so much a bar as a full blown restaurant, I suppose somewhere in the building there is a brewery. There has to be – it’s in the name. Hark! there, in the far distance, I see a small gathering place for people that want to pretend like they are at a bar. Looks to be at most 15 stools.
Aside from the Fisher Price bar arrangement, the seating for the establishment is at tables with wood chairs and benches. The atmosphere is decidedly open-spaced and, well, not so much “rustic” as it is just plain “woody”. In other words, the f#$king building is steeped in wood – wood walls, wood ceilings, wood bar, wood chairs, wood embellishment on the wood wall, wood particle board in the bathroom – all shellacked to a high gloss. The walls are lined with enough TVs to keep the self described “sports fan” happy and scratching his or her perpetually itchy crotch (“I’m a sports fan. I mean, Biiiig Tie-eem”). I’d forgive you if at this point you happened to wonder if I had stepped into an Applebees or Chili’s restaurant. Surely the aura of the place captures the feel of the cookie cutter “casual dining” restaurant chains quite precisely. In fact, were it not for the lack of knickknacks on the walls and the presence of an impressive list of fine brewskis, I would have quickly bailed out the front door upon entering, like a Portland hippy from a dumpster on trash day.
I’m sure that by the time that I am an arthritic “honored citizen” of Portland I will come to love the safe and familiar feeling that this restaurant provides the glaucoma-plagued guest, but at the tender age of 23 I feel like Laurelwood really missed the mark when they designed this space. It’s not that I am player-hating the family atmosphere or the gentrified clientele – I can learn to love these people with the ever-expanding effervescence of the great Quasimodo King. My qualm is that the beer is so damn good but the place – the public space – is just so damn lame. As a result, I am done with talking about the building and will move on to the brewery and beer aspects of Laurelwood. Wait… Is that dude at the table across from me talking philosophy… Oh wait, no… he’s just talking about the Christian faith. Fantastic! Praise Jebus!
So, for those of you not familiar with the neighborhoods of Portland, Laurelwood is named after the two districts that it once closely served – Laurelhurst and Hollywood. This was back when the brewery was located on NE 40th Ave in the Hollywood neighborhood, about 3 blocks and a highway hop from the beautiful neighborhood of Laurelhurst. The brewery on 40th was originally opened with the vision of serving as a safe place for families. A place where one could bring their children without fear of persecution from close-minded Hipsters like myself. In other words, let the devils be devils, but give the parents a refuge to eat some grub and pound down some tasty brews. And the idea worked – people flocked to the location like poop to a shangle and from that point on the Laurelwood brand was secured.
One cool aspect of the brand is that it has consistently kept a focus on organic brewing, local foods, and local community. Though not all of its beer is organically grown and produced, two of its current line – “Free Range Red” (first dreamed up by Christian Ettinger for the 2002 Portland Spring Beer & Wine Festival) and “Tree Hugger Porter” carry the Organic moniker. A second cool aspect of the brand is that their beer is top notch. The “Workhorse IPA” continuously ranks at the top of tasters lists for its huge hoppy flavor and smooth finish. I just happened to sample one of these bad boys myself and gotta say that the beer lives up to its hype. With three separate dry hop additions during the fermentation process the beer weighs in with a 7.5% alcohol content, an 80 IBU, and a hopped-to-heaven flavor. Other beers that I have sampled while here are their hefeweizen seasonal and their “Space Stout”, both of which were equally delicious. Let me just pause here again to say how delicious the stout was. Huzzah!
Much congratulations must be given to former brewmaster Ettinger and current brewmaster Chad Kennedy, as well as brewers Dustin Kellner and Nick Phelps, for the quality and expanse of the Laurelwood line. Other beers that have received attention include the “Mother Lode Golden”, “Space Stout”, “Tree Hugger Porter”, and “Free Range Red”.
After opening the original location at NE 40th, in 2007 Laurelwood decided to move the operations up to 51st and Sandy (formerly Sylvia’s Italian Restaurant) due to space restrictions in the prior building. They kept the old location up and running as a pizza joint until July of 2010, when they closed up shop, promising to open another Portland location sometime in 2011 or 2012. A Northwest shop was opened in 2004 on 23rd ave and in 2006 two locations were opened at Portland airport through a partnership with SSP America. A final location was opened in 2009 at Battle Ground, WA, one of the coolest named cities in this fair country.
But alas, Laurelwood, I was meant to part thee with little regret. Though your beer tastes of heaven your public drinking holes have no authenticity and reek like the hand of somebody that has years of experience working in the restaurant industry without the creativity to fashion a unique space, or the humility to allow a more qualified person to do it for them. I shall shed a tear for you as I leave the building, as I am uncertain that I will ever return.
And yet… The murky blackness of the Space Stout calls to me…How thirsty I am. How throbbingly thirsty! Oh, will you take me back? Could you ever forgive me?
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